Always With Grace

In the early 1860’s the McCoy family lived mostly on the Kentucky side of the Tug Fork of the Big Sandy river, and the Hatfields lived mostly on the West Virginia side. To say the least, these families had difficulty being neighborly towards each other. Serious violence erupted into a feud as sides were chosen during the time of the War Between the States, and subsided around 1865.

Violence erupted again in the late 1870’s, this time apparently over the ownership of a pig. Each family made raids on the other. Several people were killed, including children. There was a midnight raid on New Year’s Day in which a house was burned and the occcupants were forced to flee into the surrounding woods and mountains amidst a barrage of gunfire. Some were frost bitten, some wounded, some killed.

Finally, in the early 1890’s all of this pathetic, terrible behavior came to an end. It was partly due to law enforcement and partly due to so many people from both families having been killed. The feud between the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s has become an amusing anecdote to many people, but there is nothing funny about it.

Since Cain met Abel people in this world have experienced trouble getting along with each other. Stories similar to the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s abound, both in actual history and in fiction. Possibly the best known story in the world is Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” in which the feud between the Capulets and the Montagues leads to the tragic deaths of innocents. There are accounts of feuds that have been going on for generations until the current generation has no idea what the feud is even about.

What causes all of these bitter interactions? Ususally someone has wronged another in some way. Or it may just be that someone thinks they were wronged when actually that is not the case. Poor understanding or perception leads to an event or statement being interpreted to be something it is not.

Once something has been interpreted to be an offense, whether such is actually the case or not, the offended party cannot be mollified, or the offending party will not accept responsibility and attempt to make amends, or both. Generally this is a matter of pride. Our pride puts all the responsibility on the other person and absolves us of all responsibility. For some thoughts on pride see the Trying to Walk article, “The Problem With Pride”.

In this article our focus is on a more positive quality. Paul told Titus in Titus 2:11, “ . . . the grace of God hath appeared, bringing salvation unto all men.” John tells us in John 1:17 that “grace and mercy came through Christ Jesus.” In 1 Peter 2:21, Peter tells us that “Christ left us an example that we should follow in His steps.” Normally, when we are considering grace the discussion centers on the grace that God has extended to us. That grace brings us salvation and Jesus is the one who brought it to us. We are to follow in His steps.

If we follow in the steps of Jesus, we will also bring grace to others. Once we overcome pride, we can extend grace to those with whom we come in contact. I understand grace to mean extending something positive that a person does not deserve. Mercy is withholding punishment that a person does deserve. Mercy and grace are what God gives to us. If people could learn to employ these concepts in their interaction with others, the world would be so much better than it is. But mainly, we would be so much better. And happier.

In Colossians 4:6, we are told, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how ye ought to answer every man.” Paul’s instruction here is specifically aimed at the Christian’s interaction with someone who has questions about Christianity. However, to apply this instruction to all of our interactions with everybody all the time violates no principle of Christianity, and in fact, would help us better to accomplish some of those principles.

In Ephesians 4:29, Paul tells us, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good for edification, that it may impart grace unto the hearers.” The instructions of this verse apply no matter to whom we are talking. It seems to me the proper way to understand the message here is that every time we are talking to someone, it should be a goal that our interaction is a blessing to them. True to the definition of grace, something positive (edifying) has gone from us to them, and not because they deserved it, but because we are Christians and trying to follow in Christ’s steps.

It is often correctly said that the only way to bring peace to the world, the only thing that will solve the problems of the world, is Jesus. It is the word of God. This is a great example of exactly what that means. Think of the people of the world who are angry and upset, irritated and frustrated. They are ready, willing and able to lash out angrily at others, who then become upset and pass it on in their dealings with others. We have all probably been one of these people at some point in time.

Imagine if everyone followed just these two verses from God’s word. Imagine if we all operated with grace in our hearts. Every time we spoke to someone, anyone, it would be with grace, seasoned with salt; a pleasant, uplifting thought, seasoned to be especially suited for the moment. Every time someone departed from an interaction with us they would feel edified, built up. They would have received grace from us. If everyone behaved in this way, the world would be unrecognizably, marvelously better in many ways.

But everyone is not going to follow those verses. In fact, it can become quite hard for the Christian to follow them at times. Satan’s at work. He can bring you down and have you ready to fight instead of impart grace. We are going to have to be very serious about it if we hope to be what God wants us to be, and behave as God expects. In order for us to calm tensions, promote peace, build up and impart grace to those outside of us, there is going to have to be fortification of our Christian spirit inside of us.

The inspired apostle Paul knew this. Just three verses after he told us only to talk in an edifying way and impart grace, he said in Eph. 4:32, “Be kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” He told us in Col. 3:12, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience.”

If you think about it, you may realize this opens a door to understanding Romans 12:1-2 and 1 Peter 5:8. What did Paul mean by “renewing your mind”? What did Peter mean by “be sober, be vigilant”? If you’re going to be transformed from the world, if you’re going to overcome the devil, certain things have got to take root on the inside that help you stand your ground to the temptations on the outside. In our context of grace, you are “sober and vigilant, and renew your mind” when, among other things, kindness, tender heartedness, forgiveness, compassion, humility, meekness and patience take root in your heart (see Eph. 4:32, Col. 3 :12.)

If you dont have these roots, you can’t be counted on to say edifying, graceful, well seasoned words. You will let loose with some corrupt words at times. (“Corrupt” here means much more than “four-letter words.”) You will not impart grace to the hearer. Only if you are sober and vigilant and renew your mind will you be a good practitioner of Eph. 4:29 and Col. 4:6.

The problem is that the admonition of those verses doesn’t just apply when everyone is being nice and sweet. They apply when somebody has been mean to you. They apply when somebody has wrongly accused you. They apply in every situation but it is the mean and ugly ones in which your true character will show.

“Jesus spoke harshly to some people,” you may say. Jesus never spoke harshly in a “smack talk” kind of way. He knew people’s hearts in a way we never can and He was foremost and always concerned about eternal souls. We best not use Him as an excuse for our failure to measure up.

How many Hatfield’s or McCoy’s would have been killed in a feud if they had taken these verses to heart? Can you imagine our country if political discourse was conducted with grace? Can you imagine a workplace or a school in which everyone strove to follow these verses? Obviously, everybody is not going (to even try) to obey these instructions.

Our real question is how much better can we make our lives and the lives of those with whom we have to do if we shape our lives by these verses? Some acquaintance of yours could take notice and decide they’d like to have what you’ve got. They might even ask you about it. And you would know to answer them in the same way that your behavior got them to this point. Always with grace.