Anger Management

Don't let the sun go down on your wrath.

What are your "hot button" issues? What really gets your "dander up"? (as they say (and look carefully, that's not dandruff (but there is a solution for that, too.))) Or are you always as "cool as a cucumber?" OK, this is starting to be a rather cliched blog. (I hope that doesn't make you mad.) I'll try to do better.

In my ancient history there are accounts of outbursts of temper. No, really. I know you find this difficult to believe as you observe my extreme mild-manneredness so constantly on display in these more modern times. There was, for one example, and the only "file" I'll open for public perusal, the time I got new toy pistols and gun belt for my 8th birthday.

This was a little before yesterday so these were the toy guns on which you had to angle the barrel down to put a roll of caps in place near the trigger so that when you pulled the trigger a cap would "pop" and the roll would unwind to place the next cap in position. But every time I pulled the trigger the barrel would fall down in a very self-defeating manner making this Wyatt Earp wannabe embarrassed and angry. (My parents were notoriously cheap, but I did not understand that concept at the time) My solution for the problem was to hold the pistol by the barrel with the handle protruding outward, raise the pistol over my head and throw it against the floor with all the might an 8 yr old can muster.

This method, instead of fixing the pistol, made it worse in more than one respect and also took a small chunk out of our hardwood floors. (I mean, it was a small chunk.) My parents made it clear that I had chosen an incorrect method for toy pistol repair. They may have been cheap on expenditures, but they lavished discipline upon me. This was one of my major steps in learning to control my temper. It was also the last pistol set I ever had.

The topic of our last blog was God's peace that surpasses understanding. One thing anger is certain to do is destroy any possibility of peace. In Eph. 4:26-27, Paul tell us, "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath. Neither give place to the devil." Anger is mentioned again in verse 31 where this thought begins, "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." James adds some important thoughts to this in James 1:19-20, "Wherefore , my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God."

Notice the reasonableness of our God. Paul starts in Eph 4:26, by saying, "be ye angry." This is not a command, but an acknowledgement that sometimes things come at us so fast that there is no time to offer a well-reasoned response. Jesus responded apparently angrily in word, Matt. 23:13-35, and definitely angrily in deed, Matt. 21:12-13, but He sinned not. We can follow His righteous example. The very act of being angry is not in and of itself sinful.

But it can quickly become so. That's why there is a warning after the statement "be angry." Again, this is an admission that there are times when this is going to happen. We're told here that when those times occur, of course you will become angry. So far you're fine. The question is, what is that anger going to lead you to do. This is a time to jump into defensive mode and be extremely careful not to let your emotion carry you into sin. If you do, there is no rationalization that will justify your action before God. You must, "sin not."

There are two important steps the Bible gives us to avoid sinning in this situation. James offers the first when he says, "be quick to hear, be slow to speak, be slow to wrath." Paul gives the second when he says, "Let not the sun go down upon thy wrath." So something has happened that makes you angry. Your first obligation is, be quick to hear. To rephrase, make sure you understand the event in the totality of its context. Until you do, be slow to speak. That is, when you are angry, don't say anything. Also, be slow to wrath. Effectively, this means don't do anything. So you have been made angry. Your job is to make certain you have complete understanding of the situation, and then don't say anything and don't do anything. This is more definitive than the common advice, "count to ten."

My guess is that everyone reading these words can recount instances when they spoke or reacted quickly in a fit of anger and said or did the wrong thing, causing irreparable harm. Speaking for myself, everytime I have reacted in word or deed out of anger I offered the wrong word or the wrong deed. It's almost unavoidable.

Another Biblical instruction, this one from Paul is, "let not the sun go down upon your wrath." In other words, get over it. Maybe watch "Frozen" and sing "Let it Go," if it helps. But move on and don't carry the anger with you. "But I don't want to forget. I shouldn't have to put up with that." Wait a minute, here. Do you remember our discussion of Romans 12:1 from last week? We have to make a living sacrifice in a physical sense to enjoy God's transcendent peace. Maybe you're giving yourself some insight into why you don't experience that peace. It is a direct Biblical command to move on and leave the anger in the past. Your hurt over whatever made you angry does not give you the right to ignore God's word and continue carrying a grudge in your heart. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath. Those are God's words telling you how to be a Christian and therefore pleasing to Him. Move away from your anger as quickly as possible. Leave it behind.

So there is what you do and the verses that make the Christians responsibility in the face of anger quite clear. 1. Don't do anything. 2. Consider the situation in its totality. 3. Still, don't say anything. 4. Still, don't take any action. 5. Get over it and walk away. "But nothing is resolved," you say.

Let's look a little deeper into step 2. "Be quick to hear," or consider the situation in its totality. When you do this, one of three things should come to light. Either there is fault in the event and it lies with you, or there is fault in the event and it lies with "the other" party, or there is no fault in the event, it's just one of those things that happened unavoidably. In the first case you need to analyze yourself carefully to determine what you could have, should have, done to defuse or avoid the situation and make it a goal to incorporate whatever that solution might be into your life. Note that this takes honesty, serious honesty. You can't do this with a defensive posture.

In the second scenario the fault does not lie with you. This analysis also demands great honesty. Assuming it is correct, you need to walk away. The other person has problems they need to deal with and depending on the "situation in its totality" it may be best for you to give them space and time away from you to work on what ever it is that needs to improve. It could be after a suitable time that you might offer some words of advice or encouragement. But often as a follow up to a situation involving anger it is best to stay disconnected and let the other person and their circle of acquaintances deal with it.

The third scenario also calls for you to just walk away and let it go. Random events led to this situation and you can't know what to change, nor can the other person. But there is anger involved. That's why you need to move on and leave it behind.

The Bible is clear that anger between people is to be avoided. That's why you forget it and walk away, because meddling in stirred up wrath is giving place to the devil, Eph. 4:27. Only the devil will get his way in such a situation. It is tailor made for him. Moreover, the Christian is to put away "all bitterness and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking," Eph. 4:31. Do you allow these things to creep into your life? Don't. Get rid of them. Throw them in the trash and set them out by the curb on trash day. That should leave you room for what you should be instead, "kind, tender hearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

If you are kind, tender hearted, and forgiving you aare being like God. If you are like God you will be welcome in Heaven. If you have a quick temper and retain anger, you are giving place to the devil. You are making him welcome. You are welcoming bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and evil speaking. You are being like the devil. If you are like the devil you will not be welcome in Heaven. You will be welcome somewhere, but let's not go there.

Verses to remember:

Rom 12:18 "As much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men."

James 1:20 "The wrath of man works not the righteousness of God."